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Mission Field

 Here’s the rules to the nerf game we came up with.  I think it’s a good game and it worked out really well with two teams of about 10 people on each team.  We called it Mission Field (I’m lovin’ how much fun the nerf guns are but still a pacifist at heart so I tried to at least make it *sound* good.)

So there’s two teams and each team has a Village Chief.  The chiefs’ first job is to choose teams.  From there they are the unofficial leaders of their team and coordinate all decisions and team strategy.  Each team gets a color and each member of the team must wear their color on their arm or their head.  We used strips of blue and white fabric for the two team colors.

Each team then chooses 2 Doctors and a Missionary (see how wholesome this is?!).  These should be your stealthiest players.  All other team members are Villagers.  Letting the other team identify your Doctors and Missionary should be avoided for as long as possible.

The game is played like freeze tag.  Once the game begins each team shoots at the opposing team.  If a player is hit with a dart, they must freeze. (no weenies allowed – if you get hit, take your blow and admit defeat) Once frozen, two things can happen to free them:

1.  They are tagged (by hand – not with a dart) by one of their own Doctors and resume play or
2.  They are tagged (by hand) by the Missionary from the opposing team and now become a Villager for the opposite team.  The Missionarys carry extra colors and issue their team’s colors to the converted Villager.

In later attempts at this game we added in the rule that once tagged and unfrozen, the Villagers must touch a team base before resuming play.  This avoided the strategy of having Doctors follow directly behind Villagers and touch them quickly each time they are hit with a dart.  You could also keep extra team colors at the base instead of having the Missionary rather conspicuously carry them around.

The game ends when either all the players from one team have been frozen or converted to the other team.  Once a Doctor or Missionary has been converted to the other team they become Villagers for that team.  Their loss will always be the beginning of the end of the game.

Happy Pelting!

Finally….

got some Christmas pictures up.  They are posted here.

Testing Hospitality

The call came on a Sunday evening a couple of weeks before Christmas while I was sitting on the couch watching tv with the family – a rare occurrence around here.  It was my “friend” Beverly whom I’d never met in real life but with whom I’d had a friendship for many years through a yahoo group of other Christian moms who homeschool large families – we have a lot in common.  Since it was rather late and she had never phoned me before I suspected what the call was going to entail.  Her family had hit a string of bad luck and poor choices over the past several months and I knew they had lost a house and had since moved from place to place with their eight children – all boys – and were probably in crisis seeking a place to stay.  As the months had unfolded and she had shared her story with the group I had continually offered a place to stay in our home should they ever need it.  The time had come, they needed it.  I kept thinking what it must have taken for her to actually pick up the phone and call me – a stranger, but not a stranger – and beg our provision for her and her large family.  I could hear something in her voice, a weariness perhaps, maybe even shock of having been rejected by her own family and turned out on the streets.  Of course we would have them come to our home and of course they could stay. 

Since it was late and they didn’t have a vehicle large enough to get them to our house in one trip I asked if she could find provision for the night and we would come in the morning and pick them up in our large van.  She didn’t know.  I gave her the number for another friend from the same group who lived closer to where they were and instructed her to make plans for the night and give me a call back.  About an hour later we talked again and her mother had agreed to let them stay the night at her house – but just one more night and then they were to be on their way.  If ever there was a time to be Christ to someone, this was our time.  How could we turn away this family when they had nowhere else to go?

We spent the next few days gathering up enough mattresses and food to feed and house a household of now 26.  We collected gift cards from friends and family, furniture from freecyclers and a mattress from a friend who cleans out foreclosed homes for a living – there was some small irony in that one.  Those eight boys took over the basement, covering the floor with mattresses, blankets and bodies.  The washing machine began to run, along with the dishwasher and the shower, and they haven’t stopped since.  Betsy gave up her room to Beverly and Carlos and their youngest two sons and took up residence under Miriam’s day bed.  Tad networked their computer into the household network and Beverly immediately set to work on the internet hunting down new job opportunities for Carlos – while he continues to commute 1 1/2 hours one way to his current position.  (Philip took up residence in John’s and David’s closet from whence he could spy on Beverly’s computer screen.)  They hope to move the family to North Carolina or some other point south when all this is said and done.

Our weekly “adult meetings” have been productive.  Carlos feels like he’s finally back on track – able to save up enough money for a security deposit and first month’s rent at whatever their next stop shall be – hopefully their final stop for quite some time to come after being in this transition period for close to nine months now.  I have to admit to feeling a bit overwhelmed when they first asked us for two months in our home but a silent “Lord have mercy” is a prayer that goes a long way to assuage doubts and fears in the face of serving others and we agreed to let them stay until March 1st – actually more like 2 1/2 months.  There are lots of challenges they need to meet – they still need to navigate through transportation for 10 people and their belongings once they decide on an ending point.  And, those belongings?  Well, they’re scattered over about 3 different households and a storage facility right now and will need to be gathered into one place and transported.  Then there is the emotional toll this has taken on their family.  The boys desperately want to be in a place they can call home – but not just home – *their* home.  They often talk about how good it’s going to be and just as often they get frustrated with the things they don’t have now – things like the freedom to eat a snack when they’re hungry, wear sneakers that fit them because they aren’t sure in which house they’ve been left, play a video game when they want to chill out or be a player on a team sport.  They want to feel like winners when relying completely upon others is not a winning situation.

I’m doing my best to provide some sense of at least equality among the children – to not make our guests feel like second rate citizens.  If there were three Christmas gifts for each of our children under the tree – by golly there were going to be three for each of them as well and if one of them was a nerf gun then there would be weaponry for all.  Things like snacks, candy, movies and even chores can quickly become a sticking point if it seems that “ours” are getting something “they” can’t have.  My constant striving the past couple of months has been to eliminate the “us” and “them” thinking. To that end, there’s been nerf battles waged, chores assigned and posted, movie nights planned, late night snacks overlooked, extra rounds of candy bingo, provisions snuck in to Beverly in paper bags and many, many, many conversations which always seem to center around the themes of extending grace and love in all circumstances.

Twenty-six people means 26 personalities.  We already had our share of interesting challenges before this family arrived and now we’ve added to that 10 more people who need to be understood and allowed to express themselves – and who need to understand the special needs of our family to promote tolerance.  This is no small task and admittedly, I’m tired.  Our last adult meeting looked like something from the set of a zombie movie – 4 exhausted and frustrated bodies with glazed over eyes slumped in chairs around the room trying to navigate through the land mine of personalities that are our children.  The next day Ben and I spent sequestered in my room creating the rules for a nerf battle in which all the adults could play too so we could model good sportsmanship and show our kids it’s still possible to have fun together.  A pizza party broke the ice before that battle.  We won more than just a collection of foam darts that night – we won back the hearts of our children, at least a good part of them.   That’s the real work of living together here like this.

Meals are like running a camp kitchen.  We already had our evening meals divided up between myself, Adora and the children so we simply added Beverly into the rotation and it’s been doable.  I usually start my meals with a big pot – a pot in which a friend served a meal in that first week and which I have decided to call my own until the end of this journey.  She’s ok with that.  Her kids are all grown now and the pot is too big for just two.  We try to pray together as a family before our evening meal and then dinner is served buffet style with the youngest ones being served by moms or older siblings.  The grown ups don’t usually sit down but there are plenty of seats for all the kids – our post-fire renovations have provided more than enough room for that.  The challenge is continuing to keep an additive free kitchen, which means home cooked meals for many more than usual.  Homemade pizza night and taco salad seem to be the two favorites.

So here we are coming down to the last few weeks of this commitment we’ve made to this special family.  There is a part of me that’s so tired and worn out and looks forward to returning to the day to day struggles of “just” 16 members of our household.  But there is something else in me that just can’t quit, that wants to get to know this family better and better, that wants more than anything else to part at the next fork in the road as not just friends but comrades in arms, soldiers who survived the trenches together.  Please pray for our friends.  Please pray that the next stop truly is the last stop for them, that these boys can have a house to call their own and feel like winners again.  Lord have mercy.

Faith – Five Months!

These Boots are Made for Walkin’

I used my birthday money and got me some go-go boots.  I don’t know what took me so long to discover these – they are so comfy and practical as shoes go.

And it was just a matter of time before Tali got a hold of them.

How do you do it?

This has to be one of the top two questions we are asked right after the asker exclaims “You’ve got your hands full!”  My stock answer is “we pray a lot” and truthfully we do pray a lot but I’ve been thinking quite a bit about this one.  How *do* we do it?  I mean, what are the real nuts and bolts of  doing “it”.

First and foremost I think we are actually doing what we’ve been called and equipped by God to do.  If we work against our God-given nature and talents we are going to spend our lives spinning our wheels and banging ours heads against proverbial (and perhaps literal) walls.  Flowing with the stream of God’s provision is much easier to do than stubbornly portaging upriver against our natural inclinations.  Not everyone has it in them to give birth to 7, adopt 5 more with special needs and homeschool to boot.  Good thing too, because I am not equipped to deal with the “real” world and all of its ridiculousness.  I don’t have the patience to spend my days with needy, cranky people and be sure their true basic needs are being met.  I’m not equipped to be a medical missionary in Zimbabwe and I’ll never be able to translate anything into another language. We are able to do what we do because we are doing what God created and prepared us to do.  I understand that what we do seems like a lot more than what other people may be called to do and I just accept that this is the way God made us.  I certainly don’t put expectations of what I’m called and equipped to do on anybody but me and my family.  And there are, whether you want to believe it or not, people doing what we do who are far more amazing than I.  Doubt me?  Take a look at this.  I hereby defer sainthood.

But the nuts and bolts of doing what we do is knowing how to say no – setting boundaries that empower us rather than limit us.  Jesus was not a doormat and He doesn’t expect us to be one either.  Believe it or not, we don’t say yes to every thing/person/situation that comes our way.  We carefully weigh what we’re called to do and can handle.  Then if it doesn’t seem healthy for us – or for others – we say no and don’t look back.  The no’s can be seemingly insignificant (like no candy before breakfast) or they can be huge (like breaking from a destructive friendship) but all of them are equally as important.  It’s the discipline of evaluating each and every decision we make and then sticking to our guns that matters.  The key word here is discipline – it takes practice and effort to make your no be no and your yes be yes.

Of course the flip side to every “no” is the resounding “yes” that results from our decisions.  It’s really the yeses that energize and excite us and give a sweet place of rest from time to time.    Here’s a little run-down of some of our more recent no’s and the corresponding yeses:

• No to a  relationship with a drug-addicted neighbor until she agrees to get help for her addiction.  Yes to  freedom from the tyranny of the unpredictable and yes to safety for my family.
• No to kids staying up past 10:00  (that one takes a ton of nightly discipline).  Yes to some down time for Mom and Dad in a quiet living room before bed.
• No to 2:00am nursing.  Yes to 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep for Mom (unfortunately also yes to the same 5 hours of sleeping on the sofa with the baby for Dad).
• No to the many, many demands of three year olds.  Yes to a bit of peace and the knowledge that they are learning the life-time benefits of understanding delayed gratification.
• No to regular meals of processed foods, fast food and petroleum laced artificial additives.  Yes to kids with more self-control and less behavior problems.
• No to endless hours of screen time.  Yes to kids who enjoy being outdoors, reading for pleasure, playing creatively with one another and have a passion for good old fashioned interactive board games.

Alternately, sometimes it’s the learning how to say yes first that makes the difference.  This year for our schooling I have committed us to classes almost every afternoon of the week, including three separate co-ops.  While that may seem like a lot, I know that if I knew I didn’t “have” to do something, it would quickly slip out of our schedule and our kids’ education would be lacking the depth and richness it currently possesses.  Because of the yes to these time commitments I have girls who are doing sports they love and spending time with instructors who love them, my “juniors” have had two playground days a week – in good weather or foul, our whole family gets to spend weekly quality time with grandparents, an aunt and cousins *while* taking classes in Art and Constitutional Law, I’m re-learning Spanish after 25 years, building up a friendship of my own with another mom and teaching our children how to put together a logical argument and recognize fallacious thinking in advertisements and politics – absolutely invaluable, all of it.

We have in our family a standard of behavior and expect our children to live up to it, regardless of disability.  We aren’t accepting that “kids will be kids” as an excuse for poor manners, destructive acts and inappropriate childishness.  We know that God’s best for them is better than that.  Often we receive compliments on how well-behaved and happy our children seem to be.  They know the rules, they follow them and they are happier for it.  They are also (for the most part) capable and likable.   I am a firm believer that the best gift we can give our children are good, strong boundaries.  This means saying the tough “no” in the face of their protestations and it also means helping them explore the “yeses” in a safe, resourceful and joy-filled environment.

And just for the record….

Faith got her first tooth today!

Nathan Figures it Out

“Tali doesn’t have a penis because she can’t pee.”

That clears it all right up.

The Third Eyebrow

It really wasn’t as bad as it looks.